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Waves of Inferiority

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We all face scenarios that leave us feeling insecure or inadequate. Most of the scenarios happened in our childhood, when we were vulnerable and lacked awareness of what was happening. Necessarily, what was happening was painful, yet we were never aware of the implications, which would stay with us forever. Being laughed at by a group of other students in Grade Four wasn’t a big deal after the day was over. Tomorrow saw us in the same classroom, and things went as normal. But normal was never the same again. It was a new normal.

Twenty years later, you’re reflecting on your childhood, and that painful memory rears its ugly head. It’s not as powerful as it was then, yet it shapes how you see everything now. You got over it by repressing it, and now it’s claiming to be heard by you, to be taken as it was—a violent act, a shameful act, a perpetual inferiority that can be shed little by little.

The ugly truth of what makes us inferior is always fresh in our minds. It never goes away.

We are never enough for everything, just as we are never enough for everyone. It’s inevitable that even the most accomplished human feels inadequate in some way. They may have everything: looks, influence, the means and methods to obtain whatever they desire, intelligence, and anything else you can think of, but it has never been enough for them, or they simply do not believe in their adequacy.

We are endlessly trying to fill a void that we can’t fill. It will always be there. It’s like the bed under the sea; as long as the sea exists, the sea bed exists too. Even though what happens to us leaves an impression, it affects us in numerous ugly ways.

The good news is that every now and then we figure out where the problem is. What happened to us as children shapes who we become as adults. The remedy is our acceptance and finding a simple way that will make us live without it being a hindrance to our growth.

We are all broken, though in different ways. Life sees to it that there is always something in our way. The path is bent. The road is long. And the load on our heads is heavy. Life has to go on because it has to go on.

If you are struggling with inferiority, know that we all do. Though we may sound confident and seem to have figured it all out, we haven’t yet. We only convince ourselves that we are enough for what we can do and that we are enough for whoever sees us as enough. that we are insufficient in the eyes of those who see us as insufficient. There is no way out, and possibly there never will be.

Truth sets free what is caged in lies. The most common lie we tell ourselves is that we should be enough for everything and for everyone. Reality has it another way: we are enough for something or someone. Most of all, what we are enough for is the thing we choose to do and the person we choose to be. Everything else falls into the dustbin of falsehood.

To create a world devoid of inferiority, we are obliged to accept that we are limited in our adequacy. Too, we are limitless in the spaces we choose to give ourselves freedom to soar to the limits of our inadequacy.

Kabwere Musa

A shoulder and a pat

Silent cries are the best; loud cries are neither worse nor better. They are cries.

Cries are a call for assistance.

Ego comes in the way of asking for help. I mean, some people are bold enough to ask for help when they need it, while others prefer to break on their own even when there is someone to ask help from. At most, it isn’t that people don’t want help; they badly want it. But asking for help on some level gives away a power you have. You ask something from someone, and that reveals your incapability of performing it on your own. Even though from now on you might be able to do the same thing on your own, it won’t erase the instance where you asked for help.

We can’t blame the ego much, but we can blame ourselves for embracing the negativity of the ego. The ego is inherently present. It goes nowhere. It’s our partner. The biggest part of it is that we choose what we do with it.

Perhaps not asking for help has nothing to do with ego. It’s the vulnerability of owing someone assistance, which we can sometimes provide. The person being helped feels they have to repay something, and it’s always overwhelming to live with the feeling of being in debt. In response, not everyone assists with the intention of future repayment. It’s not an investment, directly. It’s an indirect investment, a balanced scale in the hidden nature of existence. The helper gets helped by another human in their life, and it goes on that way. It’s like karma keeps it going; you help someone, and someone else will help you when you need help.

At times, we feel we have to fight our battles. Who fights someone else’s battle? No one. But the thing is, there are numerous little ways we can chip in despite struggling, despite facing the endless gong of life’s cruel hammer, despite wanting someone else to pick up our burden and let us walk scot-free.

There’s a joy in helping another human being. There’s immense joy in unburdening the load on someone’s shoulders. There’s pleasure in being helped. It makes you feel important, as if you are human enough to be helped. It makes you feel like you are never alone in this vast, endless world. And as each traveler has a destination, what keeps them moving is the company along the long road.

Kabwere Musa

Permission

No one will allow you to live the way you want. You owe yourself permission to live your choice. But as you live, remember; live and let live.

In this world where everyone prescribes how to live, you need to find how and why to live that way. Unfortunately, the masses are always alluring, and your individuality drowns when you let your guard low.

It’s interesting seeing how you choose to live.

Kabwere Musa

Task

My great task is to be the person I wanted to have but I didn’t get, to give the help I needed which I didn’t get and to ease the life of a fellow human even in the most little way am capable of. Even when I fail in everything else and succeed in this, I will die a happy soul. I would have fulfilled the greatest task of my life.

Kabwere Musa

Tormented

My inside is colder. I wish I could have a little warmth. I wish I could have someone to talk to. I wish I could keep on keeping silent about my inside’s coldness.

But I’m lonely. And words can’t tell all of the coldness I feel. Warmth never comes easily and coldness is always there to stay.

I wish to lay down this heaviness in my chest and for a while and make this pain cease. Just for a while. Just for a little while. But I fear I may want it gone forever. If I get a little moment of ease, I’ll remain with the yearning of wanting more. I won’t be able to stop that yearning. It’ll kill me quick.

I’m a man tormented.

I wake up with a warm smile which stands the day. Inside, I wake up with a heart full of pain and a soul full of torment.

Ease a little oh, loneliness. Ease a while my friendly torment. Let me smile for a day and sleep without nightmares for a night. And I’ll pick you up again or you’ll claim me again and I’ll let you have me.

Seems I’ve been having a weary heart all along and a tormented soul for all I’ve known.

Kabwere Musa

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